Confident? Self-esteem? Do you have these?
If you think you lack confidence or self-esteem, perhaps it’s time to think differently…. Would you like to say yes to the above question?
Often clients will tell me they lack self-esteem or want to build their self-esteem. But is it a real thing? Can you lack something that doesn’t really exist?
What if it’s helpful to understand self-esteem in a new way to help you feel better about yourself or more in control of your life? What if it’s not something that’s high or low but rather just a mindset or set of skills which give us the sense that we’re able to be ourselves?
If we start to understand that self-esteem is just a way of describing our relationship to ourselves we can perhaps start to see how to make changes. What if it’s an insight to what we’ve learnt to believe about ourselves?
Our belief system helps us navigate life and make decisions. Someone might have learnt through childhood to believe – ‘I’m not good enough’ or ‘I can’t because….’. These are limiting beliefs that can control someone’s life.
Here’s the good news! Limiting beliefs are not true! They are made up and learnt as we go through life. This means we can update them and learn new ways of being.
Below is a wonderful example of the types of stories we can use to start to understand that our thinking and learnt behaviours are what often hold us back.
Part of building confidence is to start to let go of the walls you’ve built up in your mind and learn how to start reaching your potential.
Hope you find the below helpful!
If you put a buzzard in a pen that is 6 feet by 8 feet and is entirely open at the top, the bird, in spite of its ability to fly, will be an absolute prisoner. The reason is that a buzzard always begins a flight from the ground with a run of 10 to 12 feet. Without space to run, as is its habit, it will not even attempt to fly, but will remain a prisoner for life in a small jail with no top.
The ordinary bat that flies around at night, a remarkable nimble creature in the air, cannot take off from a level place. If it is placed on the floor or flat ground, all it can do is shuffle about helplessly, no doubt, painfully, until it reaches some slight elevation from which it can throw itself into the air. Then, at once, it takes off like a flash.
A bumblebee, if dropped into an open tumbler, will be there until it dies, unless it is taken out. It never sees the means of escape at the top, but persists in trying to find some way out through the sides near the bottom. It will seek a way where none exists, until it completely destroys itself.
In many ways, we are like the buzzard, the bat, and the bumblebee. We struggle about with all our problems and frustrations, never realising that we have the ability to not only look around but also upwards, in fact we have no restrictions on our directions of movement other than what we choose to think.